MARRIAGE!!

muslim-couple1

Marriage… Yaaayyyyyy it’s that topic we all love. Or is it just me?

     Anyway let me get right to it, so the story goes, I was going around asking people what seemed to be an odd question (Story of my life), and the question was;  Why get married? No seriously why? I mean apart from legal (halal) sex of course. (wait)I sense some of you were expecting me to be more subtle…OK so why marry apart from …you know …yeeaah you know… (It actually feels like I made it worse). Moving on…

     So I asked a couple of friends and some unsuspecting random people, and I kept getting some of the same answers that weren’t really to my satisfaction. Like well some would say about the hadith;

“ Abdullah (b. Mas’ud) (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to us: O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.”

Lowering the gaze well that has a lot to do with you know (m not making this any better am I?)

   And then there was companionship, sweet but that’s not exclusive to marriage. And in some marriages that’s not really there. I know ideally it should be in every marriage but unfortunately that’s not the case.

   So what else did they have for me? Kids, children, those little rascals in daipers? Well and good, let the Ummah grow, so marry for sex and kids? Ummm Not quite there yet.  Ahh then there was the “build each other spiritually, and support each other in that manner”….true true, very noble cause. But I remain a skeptic as the devil’s advocate in this and say again that’s not exclusive to marriage. Some marriages pull people even further away from Allah. I mean that’s if we are going to be honest about it.

Of course hence why the Prophet (s.a.w) said in the hadith;

“Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (Peace be upon Him) said: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!”. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Still…I wanted to know what made marriage so special, and so recommended in Islam and basically almost every religion on the planet. In Islam its half our deen….seriously think about how huge that is…

Hadith;

Al-Bayhaqi narrated in Shu’ab al-Eemaan from al-Raqaashi: “When a person gets married he has completed half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half.”

So as my search continued, I finally got the answer from a friend of mine, we don’t meet often but it happend…and we went down the same path as everyone else but finally he said, marriage makes us ( drum rolls please….keep going, not quite there yet, and..now ) marriage makes us more COMPASSIONATE (woohhhooooo finally) . We learn to truly love and care, for one another, we build a family, we become more empathetic, gentle and kind. In many ways it opens our hearts and dare I say purifies them, making us more humble and patient.

   Now I am not saying that marriage automatically makes us more compassionate or that everyone who is married is more compassionate than the rest. No, not at All, but what I am saying is that marriage is the perfect training ground for being compassionate. That’s what I found to be exclusive to marriage and it’s bloody sad that some people miss out on that after getting married. (Moment of Silence please) Moving on..

   Through forgiving mistakes, overlooking each other’s flaws, covering for one another and being selfless more often; our hearts become more tender and more human?   When you think about it, isn’t that what Islam is teaching? Being more compassionate makes us more likely to live a proper Muslim life. The type of compassion found in a marriage and a family can’t be found in other settings, and doesn’t the society stem from marriage and family? So eventually the root of compassion in a society, better yet compassion in the world stems from Marriage. –LAWYERED!!!

Well after this practically everything else falls into place, companionship, building each other spiritually, kids, love,  the whole deal.

I know you think it’s over and you would be right, but I am a firm believer of the double tap, so here is the final bullet.

This is pretty easy and a no brainer…. So what is one of Allah’s most mentioned Attribute?

That’s right….The most Compassionate.

BOOYAAH…I rest my case. (Take a bow and Exit stage left)

Love you all for the Sake of Allah

– ABD

(My apologies for the long pause there)

Am I right or am I RIGHT?? Do you  agree with me? Or got more to add?

Comment below

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19 thoughts on “MARRIAGE!!

  1. Although I’ve never witness married couples become compassionate after marriage, I sense that what you’re saying is right, or RIGHT (whatever floats your boat). 😀 But I feel that there is more to marriage than just compassion. I feel like every Batman needs their Robin. Well, maybe that isn’t the best example, but my point being, everyone needs someone who they can trust. Trust because, in this world, there is no one worthy of your trust but Allah. You can’t find someone like that. Someone you trust to lower their gaze, or if they didn’t, they’ve regretted it. I mean, someone who you don’t have to remind them, “Please don’t say anthing” or “This is between me and you.” You can’t live with someone you don’t trust. It would be torture. And if you can find someone like that. Then you trust Allah to make it happen because He is the only One you can blindly trust. There are many more reasons, but I’m tired of pressing BACKSPACE. JazakAllah khair.

    • The batman and robin thing cracked me up a bit, but yes I understand what you are saying, a partner in crime thing and I agree with you. Being compassionate isn’t the only thing, definetly, I just see it as one of the main things. Trust as you explained in many ways is also very important, although I wouldn’t put that as a reason to marry…it is in high demand though in marriage. Jazak Allah khair…. And you don’t need to press back space next time, just let it all out.

    • Ohh also its kinda strange a bit, to me at least, that you haven’t witnessed married couples who have become more compassionate. (A moment of silence) for them..

      • Not that I am always around married couples, but when I hear them speak I just hear complaints. I’m not there behind closed doors, nor should I be. Maybe it’s just the older generation? I don’t know.

      • I actually think this generation is more messed up than the older one..haha, but yes unfortunately there are marriages that end up like that.

      • Its not exactly being negative if it’s true. Blind optimism kills. (Maybe that’s being negative, but I think its true too.)… However on the bright side there are some very happy and successful marriages…

      • Ohh and then there is this verse in the Quran, About a prayer for that
        Surat Al Furqan 25:74
        “And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”..

        I really like it…I guess thats as positive as it gets. 🙂
        Allah loves us asking for spouses and children that will make us happy.

  2. Assalamu’alaikum wr wb
    You did great work on your little research. It’s kinda cute. And I agree with your conclusion. But, like the sister said, it’s not just about becoming more compassionate. Marriage is like a new beginning, a new life. All of us at some point in our lives really wish to find that special someone. And you won’t be able to truly find them unless you get married. Relationships outside marriage, which have become so common these days, hardly ever work. Besides, for Muslims that’s not even an option.

    So technically the question is not “why get married?” rather “why stay single when you can get married?” 😀

    Some verses on marriage you can ponder on:

    “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)

    “…They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them…” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:187)

    “It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her.”
    (Surah al A’raf 7:189)

    Basically, for me, what I think is most important is one’s relationship with Allah. And I believe one must do everything in their ability to go closer to their Lord. And I guess that includes getting married.

    Jazak Allah khair. May Allah reward your efforts.

    • True true and thanks for the reminders of why get married. Coz that was what I was trying to get actually , as in Why get married? and why is it so important to do that? Hence my conclusion being in order to be more compassionate… which would make us more likely to lead proper Muslim lives, which means getting closer to Allah. Yea and without forgetting love, trust and all that good stuff.

      Now as to your question why stay single when you can get married…Ummm there are fears,such as picking the wrong one, andddd not being ready? and picking the wrong one.. and again not being ready…
      I know not being ready sounds ambiguous, what I mean is for the guy not being ready to take on all the responsibilities that come with being a husband. and least of all financial, just the emotional and spiritual readyness if that makes any sense.

      • I understand what you’re saying. As for “getting the wrong one”, you really should trust in Allah to help you make the right choice. Of course we can’t truly know what’s in a person’s heart, like how sincere or genuine they are. We just gotta believe in Allah’s plan for us. However, while choosing your spouse you should look for the qualities mentioned by the Prophet (saws) like piety and stuff, and even check if their thoughts  match yours, meaning the compatibility.

        Regarding the emotional and spiritual readiness…yeah this is extremely important. But you should remember that Satan will always try to mislead you so you need to be strong. We also have istikhara, alhumdulillah for that. Before we make any important decision in life it’s highly recommended that we seek Allah’s guidance by offering two raka’ahs or simply saying the dua of istikhara.

        May Allah Ta’alaa help all Muslims find the right spouses. Ameen. 🙂

  3. Assalamu Alaikum. I like how your post is thought provoking, hence the blog title. It’s good to know that sometimes the younger generation can teach us old timers a thing or two. Keep up the good work.
    Jazak Allah Khayran

    • Haha, I’m really glad you liked it. Is there anything else you might like to add, that my young naïve mind has yet to think of?…
      Jazak Allah khair for reading and commenting 😀

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